The Smash Graduate
by littlebigmac
Summary: Dark Pit is worried about his future. His parents' older friend 5-volt has some ideas.


Hello. This is Clayrage Shrinetati, a dear friend of Littlebigmac. The following is a story written by my friend, with some collaboration by myself. Sadly, he was recently declared missing. In the last known video recording of him, he asked me to finish up the ending and publish this tale to the world. I have followed his instructions with the utmost urgency. Remember this, and enjoy, but one thing: no crying until the end.

Regards,

Clayrage Shrinetati

It was a dark and stormy night. Dark Pit had just earned his bachelor's degree from Smash University. His mom, Palutena, and his dad, Sonic, were holding a party for him with all their friends and relatives. However, Dark Pit was alone in his bedroom. He just wasn't sure what to do now that his schooling was over.

He was busy watching his pet Seamen narrate the scenario in the voice of Dr. Spock himself, George Skywalker, when someone opened his door unexpectedly.

He turned around to see who it was. It was… his neighbor, Mrs. 5-volt! She was dressed in a long translucent gown with a dark undershirt. She looked up at him, slightly startled. "Oh I'm sorry, I was looking for the bathroom. Was I disturbing something?"

Dark Pit scowled slightly. "How are you supposed to expect that," he said, "you don't even see it coming?"

Mrs. 5-volt looked slightly shocked, but her aging face disguised it as indifference. Dark Pit relaxed his expression. He said, "I'm sorry, Mrs. 5-volt. I'm just really worried about my future."

The woman responded, "Oh, I can see what you mean." She paused a moment, then said, "My husband left with his car, and I had a couple drinks downstairs. Would you drive me home?"

Dark Pit slowly got up, and reached for his coat. "No problem, ma'am, just wait in the front yard. I'll be there in a few minutes."

He tidied up his room a bit, then walked downstairs and told his father he'd be right back.

"What's a matter, son?" the hedgehog said. "Gotta go fast?"

Dark Pit left immediately, not in a joking mood (and also that joke fucking sucked, but whatever.)

5-volt was waiting by Dark Pit's red kart. The young man opened the passenger door for her, and as she got in, he entered the driver's seat. The two drove in complete silence until they reached the Volt house.

"Okay, Mrs. 5-volt. Have a good night," Dark Pit said, opening her car door.

"Would you come inside for a little while? I'm afraid of being at home alone," she dryly replied.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry, Mrs. 5-volt, I have to get back to the house," Dark Pt stammered.

"Please, Dark Pit, just until my husband gets home,"5-volt interrupted.

"A-alright."

Dark Pit opened the entrance for 5-volt and turned on her lights, then closed the door.

"Want a drink?" 5-volt said to Dark Pit.

"Oh, no, Mrs. 5-volt, I'm not in the mood," he replied.

"You sure? We've got scotch."

"No, thank you."

5-volt frowned, then propped her foot up on a stool, so Dark Pit could see her black knee-high stockings.

"So are you seeing any girls?" 5-volt plainly asked.

"W-what!?" Dark Pit stammered out.

"I'm sorry, dear. I was just wondering."

Dark pit paused, forming a nervous half-smile. "Mrs. 5-volt, you invited me into your house, without your husband home; you're offering me a drink; you're asking if I'm seeing anyone; you're in the short dress – Mrs. 5-volt, you're trying to seduce me, aren't you?"

5-volt laughed and smiled at him. "Dark Pit, you don't have to worry. If you're not willing to try to satisfy me, I'll stop asking."

"It's alright, Mrs. 5-vol… What?"

"Oh, I 'm just saying a lot of guys are inadequate – "

"Inadequate!?" Dark Pit yelled. He then pounced on Mrs. 5-volt, who was quite shocked.

"now…" 5volt sed menakingl.

dark pat stoped humpin her buthul 2 lok at her. "huh?"

5-valz face convulsed. "NOW LEARN WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE MOST POWERFUL BEING IN THE UNIVERSE!111!1!1!one!one!1!69!"

5-valkilmer shut a beem black pit bukanan n lmust kil him.

"NYAH YOU FOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!111!ONE!11!2SPOOKY4ME!1!" dark paul is ded sed as he shod a spurm beem 5vul, quikscoopn hur insdantlel

Then shrek cam n. "MAH SWUMP" he sed

Black guy bend ovr givin himself 2 sherk. Iz all ogre mao

Shrock kild him bcuz he wuz insayian huehuehueheuhehehehuehuhuheheuheuehuehueheueheuhlol

TEH EDN


End file.
